We didn't lose him.....

I went for my first doctor appointment and was told basically the same things I already knew. We will never know what went wrong. We have to accept that fact. I was told that it could have been a placenta problem and that if I ever decide to get pregnant again I will be monitored closer to make sure everything is OK. Still no guarantees but at least I'll know everything that can be done will. I was also told that my chances of having another baby with Down Syndrome has only increased by .75 percent. That means that based on my age and the fact that I delivered one child with Downs, I now have a 1 percent chance of it happening again. The doctor says that is a very low number and "lightning usually doesn't strike twice" However I only had a 1 in 1000 chance of it happening in the first place and it did so to me 1 percent is a lot. Once again I will say that having a baby with Down Syndrome wouldn't bother me at all but I just want a different end result. As for the title of this blog, I find myself saying "I lost my son" Well I didn't lose him. I know exactly where he is , he is being raised by God and is happier than I could ever make him. As much as I would like to have him back with me I know he is where he needs to be. He is in heaven, most of us spend our whole lives trying to get there and he got to go straight back. I know he is always going to be taken care of by God and my mom, until I can get there to be with him. I miss him more each day and that will never change but I am healing.